when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
