just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
