i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
