oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
