i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
