so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I cut my penus on the lid.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
