honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
