I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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