So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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