But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
