I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
