Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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