I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
