I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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