every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
