I'm going to jail i love you
Can Purell be used as lube?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
