His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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