I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
