i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
