...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We are two peas in an std pod
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
