by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
