One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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