I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
