I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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