before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
