the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
