i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
