Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
