so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We left the knife in your bed.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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