she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
