Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
