So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
