fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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