She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
