i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
