when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
