I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
