i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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