I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
