I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
