omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
