if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
