What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
