I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
