mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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