hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
