hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
