I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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