So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
