Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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