it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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